Dear Future Me,
Things don’t look great in the moment and you’re feeling pretty bummed. However, if you hang in there I’m sure life is going to be pretty amazing. Right now, you’re still waiting on a lot of things, for example, kids, a financial breakthrough, career plans, and starting the organizations you’ve envisioned. It seems like every time you think things are on their way up, you find out you still have so much longer to go. Hopefully the tide will have turned by then. Let me know in 5 years!
On August 9th 2019, I sent this letter to my future self. It was during a time when I was seeking direction in various areas of my life and was tired of the disappointment of unmet expectations. I had no idea where my future was headed and was feeling both mentally and emotionally drained.
In hind sight, five years isn’t nearly as much time as it seemed, but since then, life looks pretty similar on the surface. I won’t label this mini-experiment a disappointing failure because one thing did change, the tide turned…
“Jesus is the direction.”
That was the nugget of wisdom (paraphrased) that another young woman shared with me. For yearsss, I prayed for direction, wisdom, and clarity. I didn’t just want to know where I was going, I needed to know, and that “need” was like static interfering with my GPS: God’s Positioning System. I didn’t realize that “a heart pointed in God’s direction,” meant that I was exactly where I needed to be.
It took me a little while to accept that I didn’t need all the answers because I already had THE answer; but only then was I truly able to say “Jesus take the wheel.” (Although this is a popular phrase, let me remind you that Jesus will not take the wheel by force, we must surrender the will willingly.)
“Yet not my will, but yours be done.”
I spent years seeking my will and determining how a new year would go based on my expectations. Oh the disillusionment when yet another year went by looking nothing like I ‘declared and decreed’ that it would.
Something had to give, and if you guessed that it was me, ding ding ding, winner, winner, chicken dinner! It was like getting my hand smacked every time I realized that not only was I running ahead of God, I wasn’t even going in the right direction. For example, I made plans that never happened or started working on things that I would have to abandon. I was frustrated with God like He was the problem only to find out I was the culprit all along.
Fortunately, I no longer subscribe to New Year’s Resolutions or 5 Year Plans. Before you suffer a shock, I don’t think planning is wrong. On the contrary, we are called to seek wise counsel and count the costs before making a decision. The issue isn’t the planning itself but what we do before and after our plans are set.
If we’re not careful, we will begin to rely on our own expectations, understanding, or plans instead of seeking God first, which can only mean disaster or disappointment on the other end. Ask Abraham and Sarah! (Reflect: Genesis 16, Proverbs 14:12, 16:3, 19:21)
If there’s anything else I’ve learned, it’s that “what God has for me, is for me” is not unconditional. Before we can have confidence that God’s plans will be established in our lives, we must consider the following questions:
1. Where am I going?
We won’t miss God’s will when we’re in His presence! No matter the circumstances, I now have complete assurance that I’m headed in the right direction when my heart’s compass is pointed toward Jesus.
2. What am I doing?
Faith without works is dead. (James 2:26) In other words, I can’t receive a harvest from a ground I haven’t sown in. A hard wake up call was realizing that no matter how much God wants His will for me, He won’t overrule my free will to give it to me. If I’m not walking in total submission to His will, I can’t expect to receive His promises.
3. Who am I becoming?
Now that I’m standing five years on the other side, I know that time is an ally and not an enemy. God delights in me as His daughter and giving me good gifts, but as much as He cares about keeping His promises, He also cares about how I steward them. I recall Abraham and how the man that received the promise wasn’t the same man that received what was promised; and even after receiving the promise, God tested Abraham to make sure the promise didn’t have him.
In 2019, I was anxious and preoccupied with where I was going and when I was going to get there. Skip ahead five years and I know that it doesn’t matter where I’m going as long as I know who’s going before me. A great sense of peace took over once I stopped striving for a future that was already established before I was formed in my mother’s womb.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10 NIV
My Father prepares the work, completes it, and gets all the glory. The only thing I must do is show up with a yes in my heart and on my tongue. There may be times when my yes isn’t given as easily or cheerfully, or is even uttered through tears, but YES anyway!
So if you ask me what’s changed in five years? I have!
I no longer measure my life by milestones or the number of accomplishments I can cram in a year. I’ve finally embraced the beauty of living in the moment and enjoying the gift of the present. I’m not anxious about where I’ll be a year from now or five years from now, and most importantly, I’m not comparing my race to anyone else’s.
As for children, finances, career, and anything else that may concern me in the years to come… I’ll just focus on doing my part and trusting God to do His.
My hope for you is that you’ll do the same.
But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. - Matthew 6:33 BSB